Hi everyone, Welcome to suicide prevention diary post 2 following on from post 1: As a person who has lost a friend to suicide I am sharing my story to raise awareness for Suicide Prevention by Princezz Pinkz. Please beware this may contains graphic details.
“When I found you my heart broke into pieces, that would be so hard to repair, you were just laying there with no breath and no air. When I found you laying there I could not hold back the tears. I stood there watching over you hoping you could hear all the screams, telling you to stay here. But it was too late for you and you did not stay. The day had come that I had lost my closest friend and still I hoped it was just a nightmare and that you would wake me up and say its ok your still here. But this was not a dream, it was the real thing. For day’s I was so scared and all that would go through my head was “but you were just inside a minute ago, sitting on your bed, how could I have let you go out there and why didn’t I check again” But I realized there nature before they were gone was so unfamiliar to me and there character had changed things were not the same. It was very simple that they could not handle change and felt like they could not provide but the truth was that we did not mind that you were feeling down all we wanted was still having you around. I came to understand this as I grew up but it was not easy. I would wake up everyday so afraid to walk to the bathroom on my own because all I could remember was you lying there and I experienced this for a year. I also could not bare to watch any movies based around suicide because it would make me feel fear, have panic attacks and experience post traumatic stress disorder. Of course I faced judgement and heard unnecessary comments, but this is when you must stand up for yourself and others. But let’s make a few things clear, my wardrobe was always full, my cupboards were always Fuller and my eye’s were always bright. I found it hard to accept sympathy and pushed a lot of people away. But I still had trouble sleeping and sometimes I wanted to disappear. But I did not stop going to school and I went to therapy, which was great for me. But I do have one wish and that wish is that all those missing someone who took their own life – my wish is for you to continue to have a happy life and to remain bright, because the person you lost may not be here anymore but that’s why your sitting here alive holding on to something to live for.
So my message for everyone today is to find therapy for trauma if you are affected by a friend who has decided to end their life or you are experiencing the difficulties of post traumatic trauma then please find the nearest therapist, a helpline or anyone that you know who could help.
xox Princezz Pinkz